Sorry my little blog-nuggets. I’ve really been slacking in the creative writing department lately. I’ve tried to channel every girly emotion that has so gracefully caused some intense mood-swings, but nothing has seemed to work. Answer: I’m suffering from writer’s block.
I’ve got in touch with my inner-Buddha lately and making peace with my surroundings, which is surprisingly unusual for my realist demeanor. I’ve reflected on the past year and how much I’ve changed. I’ve also done some growing up, which you know, is necessary for someone who is 22. I’ve thought a lot about forgiveness and what it takes to do so. That shit is not easy.
You know that moment you see someone from your past and it makes you really anxious? So you hide your face, pretend like you’re invisible, and don’t make eye contact. You casually hide behind really tall people (unless you are really tall, but in my case this works), compulsively check Twitter, and make it known you have absolutely no idea they are in the room?
^I absolutely hate this feeling. I would rather go through life with greeting each other, smiling, and saying nice things. However, I know this isn’t possible in most cases.
Take my case for instance: I have this ex-boyfriend that I’ve written about before (refer to some of my more angsty posts right after our break up and it will give you a great image of how it ended). I see him constantly around campus and he ignores me like I’m just another Northface-wearing, legging-sporting Ugg-booter. Contrary to popular belief, I have no bitter feelings towards him. The door is always open for him to come talk to me.
It wasn’t that easy, though. Sure I had nights where I wanted to burn every picture of him I had and listen to all of our favorite songs with a bottle of Vino, but I think I’m past the “piss off, you asshat” phase. I’m actually really happy that I had the time I did with him because he taught me some great things. Such as :
- How to check the oil in my car
- How many tastes of music there are in the world
- How my nose isn’t as bad as I make it seem and my hair is pretty when it’s curly
So hats off to him to bringing these things to my attention.
It’s weird. I always thought I’d be sad and bitter, skeptical of every guy that walks into my life. But it’s actually quite the opposite: I’m really happy that I got to experience being in love. Many people don’t get the chance to do it. Plus, your life is too short to think anything else of it. You’re missing all the good stuff that happened in between. And shit, we all know that you learn way more about yourself than you ever wanted to. I guess this also makes forgiving myself and him a lot easier. Remembering everything good.
Make everything as easy as you can and just forgive. You will feel lighter. Promise.
Moral of the story: Somethings are meant to be broken. Learn from it, forgive who you need to and move on.
